The Story in which Nothing Could Ever Possibly Go Wrong, Possibly
by The Cake Genius
Summary: Albus Potter has a crazy family, including but not limited to: a cocky brother, a creepy sister, famous parents, a mischievous uncle, a control-freak aunt, and himself, a closeted bookworm with only one close friend. Add an ADHD drag queen with a chocolate obsession who he may or may not have a crush on, and what could possibly go wrong? AS/S slash!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: The HP- verse isn't mine.**

**A/N: This version of Scorpius is quite far from the usual fanon. I you haven't read my previous Scor fic, "Why Scorpius Is Weird," he may take a little... geting used to. XD Reading that isn't necessary in reading this, but it is nice to have background, so please feel free to read it. A note about the long titles: I've recently been reading Cat Valente's "Fairyland" trilogy. That is all you need to know. XD**

**Warning: This will eventually (and obviously, I should hope) be AS/S slash, so if you don't like slash (gasp!), I wouldn't recommend this for you. If you are a rabid slash fan like myself, enjoy the fabulous-ness, and don't forget to review! :)**

The Prologue in which a Plot is Established, Secrets are Revealed, and Scorpius is Reinhabited

Albus POV

I slammed open the door to the last compartment on the Hogwarts Express, beaming from ear to ear in excitement and anticipation in seeing my best friend. "Scor! Guess what! I got-" I froze in the middle of my sentence. Something was wrong. Scorpius was staring out of the window; he had barely looked up when I entered. For the first time in years, he had let his hair grow out into its natural white-blonde. He wasn't even wearing any makeup, a necessity he would often refuse to leave our dorm without, even when we were running late.

I walked over to him slowly and put a gentle hand on his small shoulder. I noticed he was trembling ever so slightly. "What's wrong?"

"I told them. My parents. I told them." He wrapped his arms around himself, now visibly shaking.

I sat down beside him. Sadly, that had explained how upset he was.

Scorpius had come out to the entire Hogwarts student body in our third year, in a loud and colorful explosion in the middle of the Great Hall. I am being literal; he made rainbow sparkles shoot out of the tip of his wand. No one had exactly been surprised except for Scorpius himself, who was surprised because no one was surprised. He shouldn't have been, because Scorpius is about as straight as my aunt Hermione's hair.

Coming out to his parents, however, was an entirely different matter. The Malfoys have been quite a conservative lineage from the beginning, and they were clearly no more lenient with their own relations.

"For a week, it's been like... I don't even exist," Scorpius confessed.

"You can always stay with my folks if you need to," I said without hesitation. "If things get too hard, I'm here. I'm sure my parents won't mind..." That was true, at least. I wasn't sure about James, but I was sure I could work around him.

He laid his head on my shoulder. His fine, undyed hair fell softly against my neck, and I noticed how it glowed, even when he was in such a state. I forced myself to keep my breathing normal and hoped- prayed- he couldn't feel how quickly my heart rate had accelerated, just being near him like this after a whole summer apart.

"You really think that'd be okay?" he sniffled.

"Of course," I assured him.

Of course having Scorpius live with my family would be okay, right? Even if they were all slightly mad... and James was the most arrogant prick in history... and Lily was turning into a bit of a stalker... and my parents are extremely famous... and I may or may not have had a crush on him for longer than I'd care to admit... nothing could possibly go wrong, right?

... No, nothing at all.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I own basically nothing. The plot's mine, as is this version of Scor, but nothing other than that. Oh yeah, and I don't own Gravitation. ...Scor is a GRAVITATION FAN. WHAT NOW.**

**A/N: Hi, so um, I'm writing for this again... but this is becaue I LITERALLY have Elaine over here, LITERALLY reading over my shoulder as I type. I still don't know how frequent the updates are going to be, but I'll try to udate more often (rather than taking months to write this)... Either way, I hope you enjoy the cracktastic ride, my friends! :D *skips off into the sunset***

The Chapter in which Scorpius Arrives at Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place, Lily Makes Innuendo, and James is not Amused

**Scorpius POV**

I banged on the door of Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place after opening the building where it was how Al told me to. I gripped my small trunk hard and frowned. I was determined. I was brave. The suitcase was... was... fortificaion! Yes! Score! I can't believe I remembered that word! I am lion! Hear me roar!

The door flew open right away, and Al was standing there, this big, hopeful grin on his face.

Wow. We'd only been apart for a week, but his smile was so sunshine-y, I felt happy, even though I had ran away from home, probably forever. They didn't want me there, after all. I'd only stayed for that one week because then when I'd left, maybe they'd regret it. Maybe they would miss me. Maybe...

I shoved the thought out of my mind. I hated them now, anyway... right?

Right!

Anyway, Al was smiling, and that was all that mattered. So I smiled back.

He did this thingy where he shoved his round glasses up his face with the ball of his hand. I don't think he realizes he does it, but he does, and it is so incredibly cute.

"Hi, Scorpius!"

"Hey..." Don't blame me. I was still in that shock-phase of _woah, it's Al! Hiiiiiii, Al! I like ponies!_

He gave me a once-over, and I put my hands on my hips. My outfit was fabulous, thank you very much (they all are), but if Al didn't like it, I would never be able to wear it again.

He finally settled on, "wow, Scor, those are some high heels."

"Well, you can't expect me to be short ALL year 'round." While Al'd hit his growth spurt during the year, I was still the only boy in our dorm who hadn't yet. I was practically a midget. So, high heels.

"And that is some really tight leather..."

"Yep. 'Cause leather is awesome stuff, and it matches my hair." (It was this shiny black color. My hair, I mean. It looked black, but it had all these highlights, so it looked like shiny oil in the sun. It was so cool.)

"Okay." Al knew not to ask questions by now. DO NOT QUESTION THE LEATHER. IT'S AUTOMAICALLY AWESOME. "So, come on in. Do you want some hot chocolate, or something?"

"You know me so well."

I was led (leaded...? Lead...? Led) through the halls of the house. It wasn't exactly how I had pictured it (too gray), but it was pretty cool, I guess.

As Al made my hot chocolate (like a woman, teehee), I listened to him explain the stuff of the muff. "You're going to be sleeping in the spare room next to mine. It was pretty dusty, but I got it cleaned up, so you should be fine, unless you want a different room, which is okay, too..."

"Nah, that's okay. We're gonna be close to each other! It'll be so fun!" I spazzed.

I heard footsteps coming down the stairs, making a funny creaking noise. Then Albus opened the door and entered the kitchen.

Wait, what?

Okay, looking again, this guy was older and slightly taller. So this must be... his dad... Harry Potter... my father's archenemy..."Oh my God, hi! We've never met before, but I'm Scorpius! Nice to meet you! I thought you were Al at first, 'cause you look so much alike and stuff-" I blushed, realizing I was rambling, and stopped abruptly. I'd never felt so awkward in my life.

He gave me a warm smile so similar to Al's it creeped me out. "Hi. I've heard so much about you." I relaxed slightly.

"Hopefully good things."

"All of them." Al blushed (again).

"So, how has your school year been?" Mr. Potter asked me, and I felt myself relax. He was nice. I would be okay here.

"I've been doing pretty good- well," I corrected myself before Al could. "Exams sucked, but I think I'm okay."

He laughed a bit. "Well, that's what counts."

I smiled.

The door burst open. "Al!" shouted a woman with long, red hair. "You didn't tell me he was here!"

"Oh, hi, Mum," Al mumbled. "Scor, this is-"

"Call me Ginny," she promptly interrupted as she shook my hand. "'Mrs. Potter' and 'Ginevra' are just much too stuffy."

"I like you," I told her.

"So, I heard you're staying with us 'til you get back on your feet?" she asked as Al handed me the finished hot chocolate.

I faltered. "Yeah, er..."

"His family's vacationing in America," Albus supplied. "Scor didn't really care to."

I smiled gratefully at him. His family seemed nice, but I was... well... embarassed about the truth, I guess, maybe a little. He really was a life-saver.

"Let's get you all settled, then!" Ginny said, and took my bags right from where I'd set them for now.

"You don't have to-"

"It's all right!" she shouted as she lugged them up the creaky stairs. "I'm not old yet!"

"I'd better help her," Harry said worriedly, and soon followed her out.

I sipped my hot chocolate. "They're cool," I said to Al, who now sat across from me.

He shrugged. "They're all right."

"They're great." I think I might have sighed or stopped smiling for a second, because Al looked concerned. I made myself grin again and hopped up. "Come on, I want to see my room!" I announced, and he stood, too.

"All right," he said, and led me up the stairs.

_Really _gray. I was right; the house looked all ashy and dull, not that I said anything. I do have _that _much tact. "That's my room," he pointed out, "and that's yours."

"Cool."

I sat awkwardly on the bed and started unoacking my things (chocolate and manga firrst, of course).

"If you need anything, let me know," Al told me as he scuffed his heel against the floor. "I'm going to get some food for myself."

"Yeah, sure," I sgreed, forcing myself to act comfortable.

After a few minutes of unpacking,, I noticed a tappping sound at y door. I looked up to see a little, fire-colored head peeking around the corner.

"Lily, is that you?" I called.

She fully emerged, dressed in the most colorful outfit I'd ever seen, complete with mismatched, thigh-high socks. So that's what she wore in her spare time... "Hi, Lils. I love your clothes."

"So, you're staying right next to Al, right?" she asked.

"Yeah," I confirmed. "Why?"

She grinned psychotically. "Oh, no reason." She came over to me and flipped through one of my books. "Ooh, I love Gravitation."

Lily was known as a yaoi fangirl throughout the House. I suddenly got this prickly sensation, like maybe I should be looking out for something, maybe something was strange about this situation, but I just shrugged it off and continued to unpack. Let's see, pants, eyeliner, nail polish...

She got up and skipped away, humming cheerfully to herself. The girl was strange, but nice enough... in a very scary way that would probably leave permanent scars, bu hey... sometimes that's the best kind... though I do prefer the shy type...

Must. Get thought. Out of head. Must. Exterminate.

Of course, James had to show up, too. Fantastic. Note the sarcasm.

"Hullo," he drawled. "Don't think I'm coming here because I want to... Al forced me..."

"I'm so disappointed," I told him while I rolled my eyes. "I thought we were the best of friends."

He huffed and stalked away.

You may have noticed that I didn't describe what HE as wearing. This is because it doesn't deserve mention at all. In fact, it was so awful that you probably would have been permanently scarred. Yes.

Mental revenge is the most frustrating kind.

**Lily POV**

"So," I told James as we sat on the floor of my room. "I put the bug in the pages of this book he had. We'll be able to hear everything they say." I smiled evilly to myself and steepled my multicolored fingers. I choked down my epic evil laugh to save for a later date. It wasn't quite time yet.

YET. Timing is eveything.

"I still don't get why we're doing this," James whined.

"Because it's hot, you numbskull!" I scolded him. "Do you not understand the meaning of YAOI?!"

"No, I don't," he shot back, "because I am a NORMAL HUMAN BEING with NORMAL INTERESTS!"

I stood up to defend myself. "As if you don't watch the girl Quidditch players in the showers!"

He stood up, too. "At least I'M not putting a BUG in someone's room so I can hear two boys making out!"

"Stuck-up!"

"Pervgirl!"

"Git!"

"Nimwad!"

"Nimwad? No one says that, stalker!"

"You're just as bad!"

"Oh yeah? Well-"

Al burst through the door. "What on Earth are you doing in here?!" he demanded. "We have a GUEST, and Scorpius should be ale to feel comfortable! He just got here, and you're already screaming!"

"Well, of course you'd want him to feel comfortable," I teased.

James glared at the floor like the truly friendless emo that he not-so-secretly is. "Sure, take HIS side."

"I was only SAYING that-!"

"Everyone SHUT UP!" Mum suddenly bellowed as she appeared in the doorway. "I can't think with all of you bickering!"

"But Mum-" Al began to protest-

"Not another word, you! All of you!" sjhe snapped. "We have a GUEST!"

I knew that Al had always sounded just like Mum, but only now, in his later years, was it really starting to stand out.

Well, at least Phase One had been implemented. I grinned at Albus, and he gave me a look like 'o.O' and walked away.

You shall see, dear brother. You shall see.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Pretty much nothing is mine. Not HP, not the songs, and, sadly, not Coco Puffs.  
**

**A/N: Look at me, updating before you all murder me with pointy sticks! Let the world rejoice! XD**

**... Seriously, though, I got a little scared. O.O**

**To appease you, how about some fluffy fanservice, yeah? :D**

* * *

The Chapter in which Fluff is Implemented, Ginny Screams, and Lily Has a Proposal

**Albus**

So, of course, Scorpius was staying in the room next to mine. I guess it should feel natural; we always chose our Hogwarts beds right next to each other. But for some reason, I couldn't sleep soundly. I felt stiff and anxious and tried not to make any noise.

In the end, I decided I would be unable to sleep, and pulled my homework out from beneath my bed. I flicked my bedside table on, dipped my quill in the inkpot there, and... wrote nothing.

With an aggravated sigh, I put my materials back where they belonged, turned off my lamp, and buried my hands in my hair.

I heard a soft knock on my door, and murmured, "yeah?"

The door opened, and the shadowy, blurry figure of Scorpius stood halfway in the doorway. I flicked the light back on, and it illuminated him, with his (my) blanket around his shoulders, biting his lip. Just like that day on the train, his makeup was gone, and his hair was free of gel. It curled softly around his face like velvet ink.

He shuffled in, blanket still secure around his shoulders. "Al?"

"Yeah?" I whispered.

"I can't sleep."

"Me, neither," I told him.

He shuffled a few more feet into my room.

"Oh, just come here," I told him, albeit with butterflies dancing the Can-Can in my stomach.

He was finally beside my bed, and he huddled into a ball there, wrapping the blanket around him like a cocoon.

"You're going to stay there like that?" I asked, still whispering.

He silently nodded, burrowing deeper.

"If you want to... you know, stay with me, I can always just move my stuff to your room. I don't want you having to be the one to sleep on the floor.

He bit the blanket and shook his head, and clear and vehement 'no.' He looked for all the world like a little kid, and I think some part of me melted right then, melted and warmed me down to my toes. All I could think of to say was, "... can I get you anything?"

He shook his head again and snuck out one hand to clutch at my blanket.

"All right," I whispered, and slowly turned off the lamp again. I saw Scorpius' murky silhouette settle down on the floor, one hand still twisted in my sheets. I watched him out of the corner of my eye until I saw that his breathing slowed down. The silhouette rose and fell, so gently, so slowly...

I removed my own blanket and gently, not wanting to wake him, laid it over him. I could make do with my sheets.

My hand traveled up, to his face, my fingers so close to that soft hair, that pale skin... The moment was delicate glass, shattering if I made one wrong move...

I drew my hand back to my chest at the last second and regulated my breathing again.

Burying my head in my pillow, I fell asleep with both hands still curled into my own shirt.

**Scorpius  
**

We all woke up the next morning to Lily's singing as she stomped up and down the stairs. "YOU MAY BE RIGHT!" blasted into my ears- "I MAY BE CRAZY!"

I burrowed deeper into my haven of blankets and mumbled, "But it just might be a lunatic you're looking for..."

The door banged open, and I heard Al's sheets rustle.

Wait...

I sat up and rubbed my eyes. Sure enough, I had two blankets, and Al had none.

I felt a blush creeping traitorously through my cheeks. Of course, he had to be so damn perfect all the time, so fudging angelic and sweet-

Lily caught sigh of me and switched belting out "I Will Always Love You." Well, she at least had good taste.

More female screams joined the din, now stating that "Lily, if you don't shut the (insert swear word of choice here) up, I will take you out of this world as easily as I put you in it!"

"Well, that took about nine months, so I'm not too worried!" Lily shouted back.

"Lily, please be quiet," Al requested.

"Okay!" she said brightly and skipped away.

I wear, she gets more and more like a mini-me every day.

Eventually, I found myself dressed (casually- black jeans instead of leather pants- branching out, I know), made-up, and resigned to not mentioning last night ever again in time for a haphazard breakfast. I decided not to spike my hair. It was just too soon after such a violent way to wake up.

Three bowls of Coco Puffs later, however, I felt just as awesome as I usually did!

"Chocolate is to Scorpius as gasoline is to motorcycle," Albus noted as he watched me wolf it down, absently chewing on an apple.

I swallowed and grinned. "Yep!"

He shook his head in amazement. Or confusion. Okay, probably confusion.

I was about to head back to clear up my blankets when Lily grabbed my wrist and hauled me off to the side. "Lils?" I said.

"Shhh!" she hissed. "Listen." She glanced around and evilly smiled. "Would you like to make a deal?"

* * *

**A/N: Ooh, cliff-hanger! *waggles fingers*  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I put the "fan" in "fan fiction," baby. ;D**

**A/N: A wild update has appeared! This story is rather nice because my other fic is so angst-filled and plot-driven, filled with murder and character depth, that sometimes it's nice to sit back with a piping hot cup of cracktastical slash. **

The Chapter in which Lily Makes a Bet, Scorpius Freaks Out, Albus is Oblivious, and James is Bored

**Scorpius **

Lily smiled innocently at me. Though I guess "innocently" is a relative term. What evils lurked beneath the unassuming brown depths of those eyes? What shemes took place just behind that mane of auburn hair? What dangers-

"You like Al, don't you?" she asked matter-of-factly.

I blanched. Oh my shizzcakes. Sweet holy Godiva, this was bad...!

"Well, paint me purple and call me Jimmy!" I stammered. "Rail the goats to the fenceposts! Call in the fire brigade!" My hands started doing that thing where they moved a mile a minute and wouldn't allow me to SHUT UP. "I do so enjoy the company of the prescence of that fine young chap indeed, or so I would if that one time hadn't so occured that one day off the forest with me uncle Bob the llama, who-"

She yanked my hair.

"Ouch!" I yelped, jumping away and rubbing at my scalp. "What was that for?"

"You sound like a lunatic," she informed me.

"YOU sound like a lunatic!" I oh-so-elegantly returned.

"Just _listen_," she sighed, rolling her eyes at the ceiling.

I looked up, too. Its flat, grey surface seemed fairly reasonable to me. "I know," I whispered to it, "Oh, I know, right? So what's it like to know that you house someone so violent as to tear out a poor boy's hair?"

"I know you like him," Lily said.

"Again, too frank," I pointed out, the blood that had left my face now returning with renewed vigor.

She smirked. "But you don't deny it."

I folded my arms across my chest. I couldn't save the situation now. All I could do was watch it unfold. Probably catastrophically. Which was another word I'd learned from Al. Well, fudgecakes.

"I'll make you a bet," Lily sighed. "If you admit to Albus that you like him by the end of summer vacation, then you can give James a make-over. He badly needs it."

"That much is true."

"But if you don't..." Oh, yes, the evil was now definitely there. "... I will take your hair dye. ALL of it. So when your roots start to grow out again, you won't even be able to revert to your natural color quickly. It will be a big blond-and black mess, and _it will be awful_."

I gulped. "You wouldn't."

"Oh, I would," I assured me. "And will."

This was so bad already. This was so, SO bad. Like, world imploding-, raining dragons-, the world now has no more chocolate- bad. Because as a Gryffindor, no matter how high the stakes were, it was completely unacceptable to back down from any challenge.

**James**

Bored.

So. Bored.

I was going to go on a killing spree.

I bounced a ball against my ceiling. Each thud sounded like the monotony of my life.

_This. Is. Dumb. This. Is Dumb. This. Is. Dumb. And. I. Hate. You._

_Yeah. You. _

_Dumbass._

That Malfoy kid really got on my nerves, you know? He was so goddamn cheerful all the time, like a freaking sun beam, except the sun was actually alazer that would kill us all with its bright-ness. I didn't have time to deal with idiots like him.

Which was why I was in my room. Bouncing a ball. Being annoyed.

It was all Al's fault in the first place, for inviting him here and not even asking me. Me! I'm his older brother, for God's sake! He should worship the ground I walk on. It would make it less likely for me to murder him later. Maybe. If I was in a good mood.

What did we even have in this house?

_Firewhiskey_.

But I didn't want to get drunk.

_Get the Malfoy kid drunk_.

But how?

_At night. Dare him._

You're brilliant.

_I know._

Thanks, James.

_You're welcome, James._

A plan for alleviating boredom had now been made. I grinned. _Oh, yes_.


End file.
